So I haven't really been writing lately, too busy? Dun think so, considering the fact that i just dropped a class, quitted working, stopped dancing. All theres left for me to do is the club events, finance, finacne and more finance and school. Though, what i didn't realize is that i am also dealing with all these following at the same time 1.) Reports to the car accident. 2.) Plan out what are the things that needed to be done before i hand out to my trip, Hostel, tickets, transportations, travel buddy. 3.) Finding a cheap but nice place to live next year, move in and move out all in a month. 4.)Financial aids, since i turned in the appl late, myUCI grant is still up in the air. I HAve no idea how to poo out money for the rest of the quarters 5.) Job hunting: i need to get enough for the summer, rents, travel study as well as traveling. 6.) lost my ac adaptor. had no idea that that lil tiny square box coz' that much... 7.) Apply for tax return copy, appeal for my grant 8.) Read that bible 9.) Work on myself, treat my parents thae way they deserve. 10.) Pay all the credit card bills. 11.) Heart-broken On top of school, of my club, i have all these packages on my back. I mean i would keep on listing them all if i want to, but wats the point? The point is I feel like I am starting to lose my passion..my passion for life. The world is suffed around money, money and more money. I have been working every since 10th grade in high school. And then it comes college, and then it comes my first hear-broken in relationships, then all these decisions i made, events i decided to join, all these all these forces me to grow so fast. so so damn fast. But wat i didn't realize is that there fire inside my heart, the passionate heart started fading away as time went by. Ya know, it scares a shit out of me when i found out today, that my passion is gone. IT just fricking vanished. The world is all about money money money and more money, you knw that thought makes me sick, make me wanna puke everything out. Yet, as sick as it is, I am doing it. I am leanning towards the world of businesss where all they care are those damn 100 dollars bills, how many millions and billions they make, and how much they leave off when they close the account. I surrandered to the power of the world. I rejected my true feelings nad passion and followed the mainstream. THough, what i have lost more than i thought would-- wat did i lose? ... MY PASSION. ya know, this passed mother's day has been hella hard of a day for me. why? In the morning, i went to the graveyard of my grannies, celebrated with the deads. then visited the "half-dead", as my second grandma had has a stoke and is still not awake. Then, celebrated with my parents whom I m glad ,very glad and are still alive and healthy. Then i went to church, the topics touched me so bad that i felt like god tried so hard to send his words and messages to me. he made me THINK and FEEL the hardest ever. I cried so hard. But wat shocked me is that my heart that has been crying non- stop since then for being immature and selfish to those who love me with all they have. I feel so shitty for what i have done. just so so shitty. | 
